by The Cranky Media Guy!

Friday, Nov. 10

Just A Little Info About Your (possible) President-elect

He gets to his Capitol office by eight in the morning; takes private time from eleven-forty to one-thirty, when he runs three to five miles at the University of Texas track at a pace of seven and a half minutes a mile and afterward might play a little video golf or computer solitaire until three.

-- Texas Monthly, June '99

More Dot-coms Go Bye-bye (a bumper crop this week)

TheMan.com

Pets.com

Bike.com

ICanBuy.com

JackNabbit.com

Furniture.com

Thirsty.com

StickyNetworks.com

WeChoose.com

YourOwnWorld.com

Thurs. Nov. 9

One Hell Of An Election, Huh?

A dead guy gets elected, a faux-Jewish, fake Yankee fan goes to the Senate and nobody knows who the Hell is President. Democracy just doesn't get any better than this, does it? THIS is what the Founding Fathers had in mind.

As I promised in the Commentary yesterday, I placed an on-air call to the Chinese to defect today. We had a little bit of a language problem, but the nice lady at the embassy asked why I wanted to become a Chinese citizen. "I like the food," I told her.

The conversation went fine, but she apparently decided to hang up when I asked her to marry me (just to speed up the naturalization process, you understand). Sheesh. I offered to take her to Vegas and hire an Elvis impersonator to do it right. I mean, what more can a man do?

Anyway, since the People's Republic doesn't seem to want me, I guess I'm stuck here with the rest of you. It's either going to be the Stick or the Dick for Prez. God help us all.

Oh, Shut Up Already!

Seen the new Washington, D.C. license plates? They have a new slogan on 'em this year: "Taxation without representation". See, DC has only a "shadow" Senator in Congress who doesn't get to really do anything but cash a dandy little check from the Feds.

Some people think this is unfair so they've whipped up this whiny little slogan for the license plates. Washingtonians were lining up at 3 AM for these little trinkets. You know how I hate to be a contrarian, but screw 'em. The idea behind not letting DC have direct representation in Congress was that, as the seat of government, the city would have plenty of indirect influence over policy. You know, those Founding Father dudes understood human nature pretty well. Half the people in Monument Town work for the Feds; you think that doesn't influence policy? Ha! DC is the Chernobyl of influence (I think that makes sense, doesn't it?)

Hey, you DC weasels, if you don't like the way things are in town, you can always move a couple of Metro stops up the Red Line to Silver Spring, Maryland.

On A Personal Level...

Thanks to everyone who's written to me, asking how the new job is going, etc. The job is going just fine; unfortunately, since I possess the maturity of the Little Rascals, my personal life (such as it is) is all screwed up.

See, I've been living in a motel room at the station's expense for a month now. I was hoping that I could extend the stay a while longer so I'd have another check or two in hand before I had to find permanent living quarters. Long story short, that ain't gonna happen, so I have to bail out of the motel on Saturday. Not the end of the world, except that I have no place to live yet. Oops.

I checked out a place today that would have been perfect. Then I found out that they no longer allow pets. You tell a fourteen year-old girl that kitty has to go bye-bye. So I'm back to Square One with 48 hours left to go until homelessness. Maybe some day I'll learn how to handle these grown-up things. Hey, maybe I could just put a cot in my office and live there for a few days.