by The Cranky Media Guy

Will it Be McCain? ..Or, Bush²?

There are rumors spreading here and there that claim John McCain is now ready to accept the vice-presidency. While McCain has the politicians vice of refusing to let principles get in the way of ambition, we still can't see him swallowing that much of his pride and taking a VP slot under a man who is inferior to him in every possible way.  A better (but unconfirmed) insider rumor is that George W. might pick his own brother, Florida Governor Jeb Bush as his running mate.  The down side is that Florida is already considered Republican property so he doesn't gain a State, but the big up side is that the nominee helps lock up the Hispanic vote (Mrs. Jeb is Hispanic) and makes a top news story on every network for at least a week or two. You can't raise enough soft money to buy that kind of publicity. Bush wants to pick Christine Todd Whitman on New Jersey or Elizabeth Dole in order to pander to the female voting block.  Unfortunately, he also wants to win.  We'll have to wait and see.

....And What About Gore?

If Gore were smart - which he isn't - he'd consider a populist leftie like former California Governor Edmund G. Brown Jr. or Mario Cuomo.  Since Gore decided to become the official representative of Republican Lite, he's got a lot of fences to mend with traditional supporters.

For Really Lazy People Who Observe The Food Pyramid

Not one, but two apple packing and marketing companies have announced plans to distribute pre-sliced apples  Said Welcome Sauer, food service director for the Washington Apple Commission, "I can tell you sliced apples have the same feeling that baby peeled carrots and consumer salad had when I was working on those products 10 years ago.  With sliced apples, we have a round peg for a round hole.  We have a product they like."   Amen, brother--or sister, or whatever a person named "Welcome" is.

Proof That There Is A God

Barbra Streisand has announced that her upcoming concerts in Los Angeles and New York will be her last ever.

Paul, We Hardly Knew Ye

Georgia Senator Paul Coverdell died after suffering a cerebral hemorrhage last weekend.  I think I speak for all Americans when I say, "Senator Who??"

He was remembered by his colleagues as a man who did a great deal of work behind the scenes.  Translation: He was one of a growing number of elected officials who prefer that the public have no idea what they're really up to in Washington.  Something's wrong when the first time you've ever even heard of a Senator is when he drops dead.

A Federal Judge Who Believes In The First Amendment?  Impeach The Bastard!

Despite attempts by the mayor and police officials in Los Angeles to scare the public shitless about the protestors expected at next month's Democratic convention, U.S. District Judge Gary Feess said he would issue an order barring the city from enforcing its security plan.  The plan includes a "no access zone" around the Staples Center where the convention will be held.

"It's the court's view that the no-access zone is unconstitutionally overbroad.  The zone is violative of the First Amendment of the United States Constitution," Feess said.

A lawyer for the city argued that the no-access zone and other security arrangements were necessary to protect those attending the convention.  Judge Feess, who reviewed detailed plans of the security arrangements, said that some of the restrictions seemed to have been put in place merely for the convenience of the conventioneers.

"When its convenience vs. the First Amendment, convenience loses every time," he said.  "Maybe [the delegates] are going to have to walk a little further.  Maybe they are going to have to hoof it."

Feess said that a convention was exactly the kind of activity that Americans should be allowed to protest without being muzzled by authorities.

"Somehow, somewhere, there has to be communication [from protestors] and there can't be communication from parking lot four," he said, referring to an area city officials wanted to confine protestors to.

Boy, just when you think that everybody in the employ of the Federal government is willing to sell freedom of speech out to protect big money contributors from having to hear anything resembling dissent, along comes a guy like Judge Feess and forces you to reexamine your opinion.  How dare he!

Dot Com.  Dot Gone.

LifejacketStore.com (yes, really)

Blaze.com

I Was Put On This Earth To Help

OK, so CBS is having trouble with the show Big Brother.  The ratings aren't quite as good as the network was hoping for.  I have the solution.

Clean house.  Kick all the "house guests" out, one-legged guy and all.  Nobody's screwing anybody, nobody's punching anybody out.  Bor-r-r-ring!

Next, put Barak, Arafat, their translators and Clinton in the house.  Throw away the key.  No one leaves until there's an accord.  Now, Julie Chen, the info-babe host, has something legitimately interesting to talk about.   It's a peace process AND good TV!  What more could you ask for?  Ratings through the roof! 

Every single Jew and Arab in America would be glued to their set to see how things were progressing, not to mention millions of others who just want to see if Barak and Arafat go after each other's throats over the Jerusalem issue.   It's the Ultimate in Reality TV.

More later today