by The Cranky Media Guy

No Longer Masters Of Their Domains...

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This Week's Winner Of The "No Shit, Sherlock" Award Goes To:

MSNBC for their on-line article entitled "Web IPO's prove sucker's bet."  Golly, remember the Good Old Days when the only source saying that kind of thing was crankymediaguy.com?  Ah, those were the days, eh, my friend?

Seriously, I felt kind of alone at times being just about the only person who was saying (out loud anyway) that a lot of these dot coms were essentially scams.  It was as if everyone had suspended their disbelief or something; it was painfully obvious (at least to me) that a lot of these "companies" couldn't possibly survive, let alone turn a profit, yet the mainstream media kept saying that they were heading for Glory.  Haven't seen one of those articles lately, have you?  Maybe next time you'll trust your old Uncle Cranky when he says something seemingly off-kilter, huh?

So Much Pandering To Do, So Little Time Left

I couldn't figure out why, all of a sudden, the White House was willing to allow U.S. businesses to sell bread and other staples to Cuba.  The timing seemed odd at best, given that Elian Gonzalez had just gone back to Castroville and relaxing the restrictions at this time might possibly be seen as Clinton knuckling under to Fidel.

Ah, but then I found my answer.  It seems that Big Business has been pressuring the Clinton administration for this for some time now.  Have you noticed that, suddenly, we're all-fired-up hot to let American companies do business with North Korea and other countries that we've been boycotting for ages?  It's simple:  The Big Boys of Business don't give a rat's ass about all this "Communist" or "Socialist" stuff.  They just want access to the markets.  As anyone who's been paying attention (and doesn't take Rush Limbaugh's every utterance as Gospel) realizes, when Big Business says "Jump", Bill Clinton straps on his Chuck Taylor All-Stars and says, "How high?"

Bubba's running out of time faster than he's running out of favors to take care of.  Thanks to that pesky Constitution, he has to vacate the premises in January, come Hell or high water.  Pay attention, students.  I suspect you'll see all kinds of bans and boycotts lifted between now and the first of the year.  Remind me again, which party is "the party of Big Business"?  I keep forgetting.

Even An Amoral Jerk Can Do Something Good Once In Awhile

Over the weekend, President Clinton signed legislation designed to close a loophole that permitted unlimited secret contributions to groups that exert anonymous influence over America's political and policy agenda.

Many organizations were taking advantage of a little-known-to-the-public provision in the U.S. Tax Code known as Section 527, which permitted tax-exempt groups to use hidden, undisclosed donors to pay for advertising campaigns. 

While closing this little loophole takes a step toward cleaning up campaign funding in this country, a cynic might point out that Clinton may have been motivated by the fact that his li'l pal, Al "Struggling in the polls" Gore has received far less money through organizations using Section 527 than his rival, George W. Bush. 

And only a total cynic would say that, if the polls were the other way around, Clinton probably would have vetoed the legislation.  It's good to have friends in high places, huh, Al?

How Much Does A 40 And A Blunt Cost In Rubles?

Wrestling magazine supplier to a grateful nation, the 7-Eleven company, no longer content with exploiting American workers, is now importing human targets from far-flung places like Russia.

114 university students from other countries have been conned into coming here to work in convenience stores in the Virginia Beach area.  7-11 says that low unemployment rates make it difficult, if not impossible, to get Americans to become Slurpee-slingers.

The ever-generous purveyor of Slim Jims and dessicated hot dogs pays its foreign temps a whopping $5.50 to $6. an hour.  That adds up to over $200. per week, brags the altruistic retailer.  Gee, they can't get Americans to work for that kind of money?  I, for one, am shocked!  Shocked, I tell you!  There isn't a bridge anywhere in this country you can't afford to live under if you're making that kind of dough!

According to the Associated Press, the students have to pay their own air fare and rent (no problem, I'm sure, on that incredible salary they're getting).  In return, 7-Eleven "tries to ease their transition, provide a few social activities and a view of the world."  That's mighty generous of them, isn't it?

Just one cranky man's opinion, but I think this is the kind of thing that could bring back communism.  I mean, after a few months here, seeing how American business exploits its employees, I suspect next year, we'll be seeing these guys marching in a May Day parade, carrying a banner reading "Workers of the World, unite!"