by The Cranky Media Guy!

Quote of the Week:

"This is an impressive group -- 'the haves' - and the 'have mores.' Some people call you 'the elite.' I call you, 'my base'."

George W. Bush - in a rare moment of honesty,
at the annual Al Smith Dinner in NYC; a
gathering for the rich and famous.

A Modest Proposal

The big Mike Tyson/Andrew Golota fight is this weekend. As you'll recall, Tyson is a convicted rapist who recently told a press conference that he is off his anti-depression medication and threatened to kill anyone who disrespected his family. Yeah, good to see boxing cleaning itself up, huh?

Why not just throw rabid wolverines in the ring with Golota? Odds are the fight would last longer--and it's a lot harder for low-to-the-ground wonverines to bite off a chunk of someone's ear. Just a thought, no need to thank me.

A Quick Note

I thought I should say a thing or two here. If the news turns out to be a bit skimpier than usual or stuff is getting posted a little later than usual, well you've gotta understand that at the moment, I'm living in a motel room in Boise, Idaho, 2000 or so miles away from my wife and kid and that I'm writing all this stuff on my li'l Palm IIIx, rather than a normal PC. I bang it out, then email it to my wifey-poo who sticks it on the web site. Why, it's a wacky little cottage industry here at CMG Central!

Let's Focus, Shall We, People?

The Never-ending Festival of Hate continues in the Middle East. And people say there's no respect for tradition anymore.

I'm sure if I was an Israeli Jew I'd be pretty adamant about that "never again" stuff, considering that crazy Holocaust thing and all. You might have heard about that; it was in all the papers.

On the other hand, the Palestinians have to live somewhere; they're not going to vanish. In a manner of speaking, Israel is their landlord and you've gotta ask yourself how smart it is to chuck rocks at your landlord.

People, people, people, can't we all just get along? This stupidity is killing a lot of innocent folks, plus there's the bigger picture to keep in mind: Bill Clinton's legacy is at stake here, folks.

Former CMG Employers In Intra-city Tussle

That's my cutesy self-centered way of saying that the Yankees are going to play the Mets in the World Series. As you're probably real fed-up with hearing about, I used to be a security guard for both teams. Given that, you might think that my loyalties are divided. You might think that, but you'd be wrong. The Yankees are going to go through those losers like crap through a goose. Bet the house and the offspring on the 38-time American League champions. By the way, if the Yanks blow it, this will be erased from the archives and we'll pretend I never said it. See, I have learned something from watching all those "political pundit" assholes on the Sunday morning talk shows. It's easy to rewrite history if you control the eraser.

Attention Atheists

I hate to break it to you religious people, but we now have irrefutable proof that there is no God. Sally Jesse Raphael makes an estimated $10 million a year. Scientists say this simply could not happen in a universe guided by a benevolent deity.

Jim Lehrer, Gatekeeper Of Truth

A Tip o' the old CMG hat to Jim Lehrer of PBS. Because of his vigilance at the "town hall meeting" between Bush and Gore the other night, we were spared the sight of two charisma-challenged men vying for the job of Leader of the Free World having to answer spontaneous questions from the Stepford Voters in the studio audience.

Okay, the Tonight Show is on (10:30 here in the Mountain Time Zone, God help us) and I have to wake up at 4:30 to go to my brand-spanking-new radio gig. I'll try real hard to get more news up on the site Thursday night. Thanks for hanging in with my wacky web site.