by The Cranky Media Guy!

Sat. Aug. 26

Gore Kills Child

Want to see what happens when a mock news story accidentally goes out over the wires?  Check out this link: http://www.newsblues.com/Stories/gore.htm

Fri. Aug. 25

Screw Censorship!

You know those censorship programs that you can buy to block "offensive" web sites from your computer?  Well, let's just say that the "state of the art" ain't too good.

An L.A. attorney wanted to join BlackPlanet.com, a web site for African-Americans.  She wanted to use her real name as her log-in.  No can do.  Seems her name is Sherril Babcock and the site's censorware thinks her last name is obscene.  Duh.

My only personal experience with censorware was on a computer in a public library in Bethlehem, PA.  It didn't take a lot of thinking to figure out how to get the computer to let me look at sites that I'm sure the software was intended to "protect" me from.  As usual, the best censor is your own taste and discretion.

Love That "New Economy"!

Dot com layoffs are still on the increase.  Job cuts at Internet companies jumped 55 percent from July to August.  Job cuts from December '99 to Aug. 23 totaled 11,785.  One month earlier, they were only 7,582.  Got your calculator handy?  That means that 4203 handed back the keys to the foosball machine in the last month.  Still glad you took those stock options instead of actual cash?  By the way, are rents in the Castro district going back down yet?

Anne Heche Cracks Up After She And Ellen Go Splitsville

Like everyone else, I thought that Anne was the catch in that relationship.  For Heche to have gone nutzo over losing her, I'm guessing that Ellen is one hell of a cunning linguist (now there's a joke you won't see on Leno.  Not because it's dirty, but because his audience isn't smart enough to get the pun.)

They break up and Anne shows up at a stranger's door, mumbling something about being God and parking the mothership on the front lawn.  The official story is that she was suffering from sunstroke.  Uh huh.  That's believable.

There's been no public comment from Heche's ex-girlfriend.  Ellen is holding her tongue (and that used to be Anne's job).

The Obligatory Survivor Story

The gay guy won.

For Everything Else, There's A Lawsuit

Mastercard is suing Ralph Nader's presidential campaign for $5 million, because it's running a TV ad that's a parody of their spots. 

"This is not a spoof," said Chris O'Neill, vice-president for global marketing communications for Mastercard.  "Spoofs are things developed by Jay Leno, David Letterman and 'Saturday Night Live'.

"...This is clearly not a spoof because it is not done for a laugh.  It is done for the personal gain of Mr. Nader's candidacy."

First off, Chris, "spoof" is a word used by retards and high school kids.  The word you want here is "parody" and, as I suspect you'll find out, parody and satire are protected forms of speech under the First Amendment.

Eternal Flames 

The closing ceremonies of the upcoming Sydney Olympics will include a group of as many as 200 drag queens.  They will be on a float the theme of which is a "tribute to drag".

The Olympic committee approached the drag queens months ago about participating in the ceremony and they were all asked to sign confidentiality agreements.  I'd say they've been very tight-lipped about it, but that's pretty close to the Ellen Degeneris joke I used above.

More later?  Yeah, I think so.

Thurs. Aug. 24

Brace Yourself For A Shock

Attorney General Janet "Shaky" Reno announced that she is not going to pursue an investigation into alleged illegal campaign fund-raising by Al Gore.  Boy, you couldn't have seen that coming, huh? 

Reno told a news conference, "Because further investigation is not likely to result in a prosecutable case under applicable criminal law and principles of federal prosecution, I have concluded that a special counsel is not warranted."   Translation:  I'm a Democrat.  Did you really expect me to screw up Gore's presidential campaign by starting a criminal investigation against him?

If Clinton or Gore were shown taking cash from Fidel Castro live on the Jumbotron in Times Square, Reno would say that there was "insufficient evidence".  Janet Reno is to justice what professional wrestling referees are to sports officiating.  Whenever anything questionable happens, she seems to be looking the other way at the time.  We pay her for this?

Your Balls Are Different

Yeah, Tiger Woods is a pretty good golfer, but shouldn't he have to use the same equipment as everyone else?   Is it really fair for one player to have access to stuff that others don't?

Nike admitted in court that the golf balls they supply to Woods have slightly harder inner and outer cores than the ones they sell to the public.  Mike Kelly, marketing director for Nike Golf, said it's common practice for the pros to use different products than are available to the common folk. 

A nonprofit group called Public Remedies is suing Nike, claiming that the company is engaging in unfair business practices. 

Hip Hop Snip Job

The annual Source Hip Hop Music Awards degenerated into chaos as fighting broke out in the audience, some people rushed the stage and others threw bottles and CDs.  Cops had to come in and clear the auditorium.

The show was being taped for airing on the 29th.  You might think that a mini-riot would prevent the show for going on TV, but you'd be wrong.

A spokeswoman for UPN (slogan, "If it wasn't for wrestling, no one would know we existed") said that five of the ten scheduled awards were given out before the trouble started and the producers planned to tape the remaining award presentations this week.

"To a viewer it will look seamless.  It will appear as if it will all be from the same performance," said Patti McTeague, vice-president of media relations at UPN.  That's the spirit, Patti!  Why let a little thing like a riot spoil the show?  And why let the audience in on the reality of the situation?  A little editing and VOILA!, what riot?  I see a future in network news for this woman.

Al Gore, (Com)passionate Liberal

Vice-president Al Gore, who hired a woman to tell him what color clothes to wear, is claiming that his planting a lip lock on his wife, Tipper, at the Democratic convention last week was a "spontaneous" act.  I dunno, Al just doesn't strike me as the spur-of-the-moment type.  I picture him checking his Dayplanner before taking Tipper to bed on their wedding night.  You know, just to make sure there were no calls he should return.

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