Troublemakers Beware

by Will 'The Cranky Music Man' Golightly

No one is beyond the reach of Johnny Law, and I’m not just talking about Ol’ Dirty Bastard.

Snoop Dogg has been busted for marijuana possession. How could something like this happen? I don’t know. He was minding his own business, traveling between gigs on his Puff, Puff, Pass tour. He and his friends were relaxing on the tour bus as it hurtled down I-90 in Amherst, Ohio. They were probably just about to finish a raging game of Scrabble when a police car pulled them over.

The police officer probably just wanted to warn the driver of the gigantic bus that driving that much over the speed limit is not such a good idea. But when the door to the bus was opened, the cop smelled what he thought was marijuana smoke. And exactly how does he know what marijuana smoke smells like? Might it not have been some exotic incense or soothing aromatherapy oils?

Most likely not, since there were six bags of marijuana found on the bus, weighing almost 200 grams total. I always thought Snoop was speaking metaphorically when he talked about smoking weed in every interview he’s done for the last five years. Regardless, he has now been charged with criminal possession of marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia. And to make sure he doesn’t do it again, he is facing up to $350 in fines. I hope we can all learn a lesson from this.

Jay-Z is in even more hot water than Snoop, however. In December of 1999, at a listening party for Q-Tip’s album Amplified, a gentleman was stabbed. Jay-Z had insisted he was innocent until last week, when he finally pleaded guilty at the criminal trial. A civil suit was drafted by the victim of the stabbing. It never reached the courts, however, because it was settled out of court for a pile of money.

Jay-Z is expected to be sentenced to at most three years’ probation, during which time he is absolutely, positively NOT allowed to stab anyone. For any reason whatsoever.

Finally, Michael Jackson has finished his charity single for the victims of last month’s terrorist attacks. It is called "What More Can I Give." There are a heap of celebrities on the record, and he hopes it will raise at least $50 million. Jackson organized the "We Are the World" charity single many years ago, but since then he hasn’t had the best luck with humanitarian efforts.

Two years ago Jackson announced he would release a single to benefit the Albanian children of Kosovo, and he lined up two concerts for the same cause. The single was never recorded, and it was never performed at the concerts. It was called "What More Can I Give."