Breaking Up

by Will 'The Cranky Music Man' Golightly

Perhaps last month’s tragedy was sobering to the rich and foolish. More likely is that so much news coverage has been centered on September 11 and its aftermath that entertainment news has slipped under the radar. Either way, I think we’re finally back in business.

For starters, there were a couple guitarist departures. Wes "Wacky Face Paint" Borland has left Limp Bizkit. Maybe he was tired of being "That other guy" in the band. Or perhaps his refusal to wear a baseball cap caused friction. It’s all the same to me, and probably to the band as well. Their next CD is a remix album, so there isn’t much need for power chords.

This couldn’t have come at a worse time for Michael Ward. He was the guitarist for the Wallflowers, and he’s flown the coop as well. There’s chance, albeit a slim one, that somebody somewhere would have cared that he left Jakob Dylan’s band. At least people might learn his name for the first time.

That Wes Borland just couldn’t let him have his moment in the sun, however. And now the question in everyone’s minds will be "Will Limp Bizkit replace their guitar player or use this as a chance to develop a more hip-hip influenced, samples-and-beats sound?" instead of "Oh yeah, I remember that Wallflowers band... What was the name of that song they used to do?" A better question would be "How did the Wallflowers have two guitar players and make so little noise?"

The splits seem to be amicable, which is more than can be said for Stevie Wonder and his ex-girlfriend. She lived with Wonder for the last five years, and claims they had an oral agreement that he would offer her lifetime support that he has refused to honor.

Now that you’ve stopped snickering at "oral agreement" I’ll get to the good part. She is also suing for battery, because Wonder concealed from her the fact that he has herpes. I’m no lawyer, but I think he should counter-sue. His ex was originally his wardrobe assistant for much of the ‘80s, and somebody must have told him at some point what she was dressing him in.

Speaking of Stevie Wonder, Jay "Jamiroquai" Kay has pled not guilty to assault. Shortly after breaking up with his slightly famous girlfriend Denise van Outen, he smashed a photographer’s camera at a nightclub. The next court date is later this month, but I don’t see myself remembering to find out what happens.

In similar news, Marilyn Manson was charged recently with criminal sexual misconduct. It occurred at Ozzfest, which might explain a lot. Wearing not much more than a g-string, Manson spit on a security guard, wrapped his legs around the guard’s head, and then rubbed his crotch on him. And the guard didn’t like it! If he were still with Rose McGowan, this never would have happened. That may not hold up in court, however.