Is Anybody Out There?

by Will 'The Cranky Music Man' Golightly

The dog days of summer are here, and what better way to sweat the days away than with a little live music? Me, I’d rather be sitting in front of the air conditioner with a frosty Coke and a box of Cheez-It, but I’m not the only person in the world (I’m told). So in case you were thinking about making the scene at yr local Corporate Sponsored MegaStadium for some summer tunes, I’d be happy to give you the skinny.

Ya know the one about the Backstreet Boy who had a problem with the hooch? Well, he went to rehab. That may not sound like a funny joke, but it is. The Backstreet Boys have postponed several of their upcoming shows so that A.J. can sober up. A.J. is the one with the tattoos and funny facial hair; he’s the one that looks like an expensive dog. Not the poofy little kind, but the big, shiny, skinny kind that probably runs real fast. Have you ever tried to get a dog to drink alcohol? I haven’t, but it probably isn’t as much fun as one would imagine. Just ask the Backstreet Boys’ tour manager.

Apparently A.J. has been depressed since the recent death of his grandmother, which exacerbated his drinking problem. She was like a mother to him, since his father left him at a very young age. Ain’t life a bitch? My beloved grandfather died just a few months ago, and my parents have been divorced most of my life. And I haven’t had a drink in hours! Okay, that’s a bad example.

I heard about the postponed shows the same day I read at Sonicnet.com that concert attendance has fallen in the first half of 2001. Tour earnings are down twelve percent from the first half of last year, despite the fact that… Well, I can’t really think of a reason why concert attendance would be up. I can think of a lot of reasons for ticket sales to drop, however. How about the fact that Ticketmaster charges several different fees in the name of "convenience" on top of the ticket’s actual price. Don’t forget that the ticket prices themselves are going up. The average price per ticket for the top fifty tours thus far this year was just shy of fifty dollars. That’s PER TICKET, in case you weren’t paying attention. On top of that, going to see a concert is a pain in the ass. Don’t ever discount the "Pain in the Ass" factor. And have you seen the souvenir t-shirts these days? Take me back to the days of "Frankie Says Relax," that’s what I say.

Not helping things is the cancellation of several other high profile tours, including Black Sabbath’s scheduled post-Ozzfest dates and the rest of Prince’s current tour. Even worse, however, is an idea thought up by Neil Finn, the former leader of Crowded House. He’s decided to give his fans a chance to play on stage with him. For three different shows in Great Britain he’s going to put together a band of normal people like you and me, made up of people who send him tapes and a brief essay on why they should be involved in this bizarre stunt. Neil Finn is a fine musician, with several good Crowded House albums and some excellent solo work to his name, but perhaps he hasn’t mixed with the great unwashed in a while. I may not have many friends, you could even say I don’t have any friends, but I’ve been to a few guitar stores in my time. Unless he wants a bunch of oddballs with long hair and bad skin playing "Stairway to Heaven" behind him, he’d do better to stick with his usual backing musicians.