Philadelphia and Denver

by Will 'The Cranky Music Man' Golightly

Did anyone see Sugar Ray play during the halftime of the NBA Finals on Friday? Me neither.

Well, the TV was on, but I stopped paying attention after lead singer Mark "Rock and Roll Jeopardy" McGrath started sucking up to the crowd. He peppered his pre-song banter with so much Philly this and Philly that it looked like he was afraid the crowd was about to charge the stage in search of a bleached, immaculately styled scalp.

He had good reason to be afraid, however. Surely he was aware of the Destiny’s Child performance the previous game, when the trio were actually booed. On national television the biggest R&B group in the country was booed! It was fan-tastic, as the NBA says. The Philly crowd was unhappy that one of the members of the group was wearing a Lakers outfit. Or more like a Lakers cheerleader’s outfit. In their defense, another member of the group wore "Sixers" across her chest, and the lead singer’s sequined half T-shirt said simply, "NBA." Damn those crybabies on the NBA team, they get all the calls...

Destiny’s Child performed their new single, of course: "Boo-tylicious." Get it? What’s my name, what’s my name...? Boo-yonc¾ Knowles. I could go on forever. Fortunately for you, there are bigger fish to fry.

John Denver is still dead. His recordings, however, live on. RCA, Denver’s label, requested that the Recording Industry Association of America audit the catalog of the only man more boring than James Taylor. The RIAA found nineteen million units sold that were unrecognized. You read that correctly: nineteen MILLION. Tough Denver’s albums were not correctly certified multi-platinum until just now, RCA insists that royalties were paid on all the albums sold. It’s only the RIAA certification that was incorrect.

If you say so. If I were RCA Id be dropping a line to my lawyers right about now to warn them of about an upcoming call from the John Denver estate. Personally, I think this "misunderstanding" is all Napster’s fault. I also strongly suspect they’re responsible for Studio 54 shutting down, Ticketmaster’s exorbitant service fees, and the Beatles breaking up. But I can’t prove it yet.

One final note: Boy George has a cookbook coming soon. This from a man who was still chunky even in the throes of heroin addiction? It is called Karma Cookbook. I guess Cooking up with Boy George was already taken.