I've Been on MTV, Listen to Me!

by Will 'The Cranky Music Man' Golightly

The Lakers may be the best team in the NBA and the Sixers may be the toughest, but what really matters is that the world's biggest pop stars are playing the halftime shows. You may have had the pleasure of seeing U2 during the first game. Destiny's Child are playing later in the series. It may not be as good as the TNT halftime analysis, but it's better than looking at (and, God forbid, listening to) Bill Walton.

U2 played two songs at the half of game one. The first was "Where the Streets Have No Name," one of their older singles that was done better by the Pet Shop Boys. The second was "Elevation," their contribution to the Tomb Raider soundtrack and a song done better by Simple Minds a decade and a half ago. Well, maybe it was a new song. Or maybe U2 is still stuck in their '80s stadium rock mode, despite "changing with the time" and using "keyboards" and "drum loops" now and then. You be the judge.

What's worse than listening to U2 parade the same old crap in their third decade of existence? Listening to Bono talk to a crowd of college kids. Before the band's performance in Boston, where the halftime performance was taped, Bono spoke to Harvard's Class of 2001. "Rock music is rebel music," he said. "I'm rebelling against my own indifference." Pardon me? Maybe Sonicnet misreported this. No, on second thought, that's probably what he said.

In case you weren't sure how much Bono is rebelling against himself, he wore army green and a camouflage cap jauntily turned backwards. As usual, he had some thoughts about Third World debt relief. At my high school graduation one of the Couric sisters spoke, the one without butt problems I think; she wore a ninja costume and exhorted us to support Stomach Staples for Morbidly Obese Pop Singers. She was years ahead of her time. I skipped out on most of my college graduation, so I have no idea who was there. Probably some local politician, not a supercool rock soldier like Bono.

Even Jon "Bon" Jovi is in on this nonsense. Not only did he give the commencement address at Monmouth University, but he's speaking to the Oxford Union debating society this week. What the hell is that about? The Trenton Tech Model UN maybe, but the Oxford Union? At this very moment he is deciding between two speeches: either "How to Look Like a Sissy and Still Get Girls" or "I'm from New Jersey Just Like Bruce Springsteen."