Giving Comfort to the Enemy

By Robert Pagani

So, Congress called Attorney General Ashcroft up to Capitol Hill to explain his shall-we-say "interesting" interpretation of civil rights.  You know, that whole detaining-people-without-any-charges-and-listening-in-on-their-conversations-with-their- attorneys thing.  I know what you're thinking: those Democrats must have really given it to him!  Yeah, right.  This thing was as rough and tumble as a pajama party pillow fight. 

Der Fuhrer--oops, sorry, the Attorney General, set the tone right at the get-go.  He said his critics' "bold declarations of so-called fact have quickly dissolved, upon inspection, into vague conjecture. Charges of 'kangaroo courts' and 'shredding the Constitution' give new meaning to the term 'the fog of war.'"  I've never heard the term "fog of war" before and I don't know what it means but it sure is catchy, huh?  

Let's see...if you're held by the government without any charges being presented, with the threat of being tried by a military tribunal which doesn't have to show you or your lawyer the "evidence" against you, might the term "kangaroo court" not be applicable?  Yup, those so-called facts sure are pesky, aren't they? 

Ashcroft went on to say "To those who scare peace-loving people with phantoms of lost liberty, my message is this: Your tactics only aid terrorists--for they erode our national unity and diminish our resolve. They give ammunition to America's enemies and pause to America's friends. They encourage people of good will to remain silent in the face of evil."

Got that?  In other words, if you're among those who, like me,  think that the government is wiping its ass with the words of the Founding Fathers, you're helping the terrorists.  It's not that you sincerely believe that the Bush administration is overstepping its authority and acting like a dictatorship, nope, you're giving ammunition to binLaden.  You're not an American citizen exercising his Constitutional right to disagree with the government; you're a terrorist!  This, of course, is the cheap rhetorical trick of someone who has no real justification for his actions.  When you can't defend what you're doing, go on the attack.  

Remember the scene in Animal House where the Deltas are on trial?  Remember Otter going on a rant about how accusing  them of wrong-doing is an indictment of American society?  Stuff like that is pretty funny when it's in a silly frat comedy but it's pretty damn sad when the same logical fallacy is employed by the Attorney General of the United States, a real-life guy with the power to screw royally with people he disagrees with.

You'd expect that, since they called him to Capitol Hill to defend his actions, the Democrats put Ashcroft through the wringer.  Well, you'd expect that if you've never seen those eunuchs in action.  When exactly did castration become a requirement to run for office as a Democrat?  Those empty suits took one look at George W.'s approval ratings and their testes retracted into their body cavities.  This, of course, raises the question: WHAT'S THE POINT OF THE FRIGGIN' HEARING IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GRILL THE GUY?

President Bush and his logic-challenged Attorney General are taking the greatest democracy the world has ever seen into waters previously chartered by the Soviet Union.  Remember them, the Evil Empire?  If warrantless arrests without evidence and secret trials were wrong when THEY conducted them, why do they suddenly become okay when WE do them? See, that's the kind of question it would have been nice if the Democrats had asked John Ashcroft.  Yeah, it would be nice if someone would make this guy defend the radical actions he's taken and continues to propose.  Oh, wait, I forgot--that would be wrong.  It would be like giving ammunition to binLaden.  It would make those who questioned the Attorney General terrorists.  My ass, it would.