"Remember that stuff I said about reform? Never mind."

by The Cranky Media Guy

John McCain

A few months ago I saw a documentary on TV about two sisters from Pennsylvania who are joined at the head.  They can't be separated because of the brain tissue they share, so they will spend their entire lives connected.  Even those conjoined sisters don't seem as inseparable as John McCain and his new best friend, George W. Bush.

Did you see the pictures the other day of McCain and Bush at Johnnie's place in Arizona?  The two were making nice-nice for the TV cameras.  I pictured them later that night, sitting on the floor, eating s'mores and Rice Krispie Treats in their jammies, doing each other's hair, playing with eye shadow and talking about boys.  Dubya never did have much in the 'nad department, but sheesh, somebody done made off with the McCain family jewels!

Remember a few months ago when Candidate McCain was talking about Dubya like he was the AntiChrist's evil twin?  Well, forget it.  This is the new, kindler, gentler, wussier John McCain.  He's just happy to be in the orbit of Planet Nepotism.  Campaign finance reform?  Oh, you mean you took that seriously?  Can't you tell when a guy's kidding?  I mean, you've gotta have a sense of humor to survive five years in the Hanoi Hilton.

One thing that signals that McCain might not be entirely comfortable with his new role as Robin to George W.'s Batman is the tight smile he always seems to lapse into when you see the two of them together.  It's the smile of a man lying face down on the examining table watching his new proctologist putting KY Jelly on his prosthetic hook hand. 

Giveaway Numero Dos is McCain's posture.  I don't want to say that John is stiff when he's around Dubya, but he looks like he should be asking Geppetto to make him a real boy.  You can make the mouth say the words, John, but the body language speaks volumes.

Bottom line, Johnny Boy, is that there's a lot of people pissed off at you because they really believed you meant what you said about being a different kind of politician, one really interested in changing things.  You had millions of Democrats ready to cross party lines to vote for you.  Now you have your arm around that empty suit named Bush, trying to convince those same voters that there's something inside it.  No matter what gig you've been promised in the coming New World Order, insincerity doesn't look good on you, John.  It doesn't bring out your eyes.

Don't ever bother trying to get your old good-guy image back either, John.  "Fool me once, shame on you" and all that.  Once we thought you were a straight shooter.  Now we see you for what you really are: Dubya's conjoined weasel.