"Is Weasel Kosher?"

by The Cranky Media Guy

Joe Lieberman

Jeez, why don't the Democrats make like Wile E. Coyote and jump off the cliff right now and spare us all having to wait for the inevitable plummet in November.

First, they give us the original Hollow Man, Al Gore, as the presidential nominee.  This guy is about as substantial as a dandelion in a windstorm.  He had to pay someone to tell him what to wear, for God's sake!  Yeah, that's the guy I want in the Oval Office with his finger near the Big Red Button.  "Uh, Naomi, can you come in here for a moment?  It seems the Iraqis have launched a missile attack against us.  Do you think I should retaliate?  Oh, and what shirt should I wear for the press conference?"

Let's face it, the guy's a doof, a rich boy who grew up in a Washington hotel.  Expecting to get leadership out of Gore is like ordering veal cordon bleu at KFC--it ain't gonna happen. 

As you've undoubtedly figured out by now, politics isn't about actually doing anything for the public that elects you; it's about winning the damn election by any means necessary.  To blunt the expected "post-convention bounce" the Republicans were expected to get this week, Gore announced his choice for a running mate Monday.

I was actually excited when I heard that Gore had chosen Joseph Lieberman.  Wow, the big stiff actually chose a Jew to run with him!  How courageous, I thought.  The tingle I felt lasted about five nanoseconds until I realized that Lieberman was about the closest thing to a Republican Gore could find.  I suspect that, if you looked close, you'd find that his yarmulke has a button that, when pressed, transforms the thing, Inspector Gadget-like, into one of those stupid elephant hats that were so popular in Philly last week.

See, Lieberman is one of those guys who likes to periodically lecture Hollywood on the movies it makes.  You know, the whole violent-movies-are-turning- our-kids-into-monsters thing.  Don't get me wrong here; like everybody else over 40, I too think that most movies today are manure transferred to celluloid, but I recognize that it's a case of supply and demand.  You get the crap you get because people support it.  I've checked the police logs; there are no reported cases of anyone being forced at gunpoint to go see Scary Movie.  Right or wrong, people like that kind of entertainment, so Hollywood continues to make it.

Guys like Lieberman are smart enough to understand this.  They're also smart enough to know that wagging your finger in Hollywood's face is a way to get elected.  No voter wants to be told that they're just a bad parent who lets their kid watch mind-numbing crap without supervision.  You don't get to the Senate by saying stuff like that.  You get there by telling people that the Big Bad Hollywood Bogeyman is making them let their kids watch garbage. 

Isn't this whole act pretty Dan Quayle circa 1992?  Has the whole world of American politics been put into one of those big laundromat driers set on "tumble"?  You've got Republicans talking like tree-huggers and putting every black face they can find on camera and Democrats doing the old "Hollywood must clean up its act" song and dance.  This has to be the Bizarro World of politics.  Is acting like some low-rent community theater version of the Republican party of the late 80's-early 90's really a winning strategy for the Democrats?  I'm confused.  My head hurts.

Here's the real hypocrisy in selecting Lieberman: Clinton and Gore have been gobbling up all that nice Hollywood political donation money for about eight years now.  Remember the Parents Music Resource Council, from back in '85?  Al and Tipper were prime movers behind that little attempt at show-biz censorship.  After he got in the White House, though, Al strapped on the metaphorical knee pads to crawl down Sunset Boulevard to ask forgiveness from the Left Coast crowd.  As they are by nature forgiving (and virulently anti-Republican), they let bygones be bygones and continued to write big ol' checks to the DNC. 

It's gonna be fun watching Al try to continue to schmooze them, now that he's signed an authentic Culture Warrior to the team as back-up quarterback.   Will Lieberman be viewed as an Uncle Moe (the Jewish version of an Uncle Tom) by the studio crowd?

It's nice to see that, as we approach the 21st Century (yes, I'm one of those who says it starts next January 1st), the Democratic party finally had the guts to nominate a Jew for the V.P. spot.  Too bad they couldn't find one who was more mensch and less weasel.